(If you are confused about why my blog looks different than it used to see my previous post. If you didn't notice feel free to continue reading this one. :)
People always say "Have a good attitude!" and it is quite possibly the single most annoying, infuriating phrase in the English language in my opinion.
Having a good attitude won't get my homework done and dinner made and the laundry folded and work and school over with. (In the back of my head I know that fuming over it won't get it done either.)
It won't make me feel better, I think. (It probably will.)
And it's so hard! (You're right, I think, we should probably just stay mad at the world for the next six days seven hours and forty two minutes.)
The attitude battle is one that I fight (and usually lose) pretty much every single day, and Jason is a saint for putting up with it. Then one day I was reading this book for school and it got me thinking about just how powerful our minds really are, and how maybe "have a good attitude" means a lot more than just thinking happy thoughts when you don't want to.
Neuroplasticity is essentially the idea that you don't have the brain you were born with. Our brains physically change as we gain new knowledge, establish new connections and thought patterns, recover from injury (physical or psychological), etc. And that means that you can hardwire your brain to be whatever you want it to be. You can decide to change, to be different than you are, but it takes work. Of course, it would be great if all it took to permanently change our attitudes was to reach into our brains and tweak something and voila, instant happiness, but unfortunately we call quick changes like that brain damage, and they don't usually have good results. The real process is a lot more complicated, and takes a lot more time, but in my opinion it's a hundred percent worth it.
Think of something you've always wanted to do but never have. Maybe you're an aspiring novelist who's never put her ideas on paper, or an avid runner who's never ventured further than a 5K, or a travel fanatic who's never actually been out of the state. Whatever it is, all I can ask you is why not?
Now that probably got some backlash from some of you because of course there's other, real concrete obstacles in the way of us pursuing our dreams and becoming the people we want to be. Things like money, time, exhaustion, illness, work, school, family obligations, and so on and so forth. These things are real, and they are really in the way, but the only thing keeping them in the way is the way you think about them.
For example:
Having enough money to pursue your dreams is an issue because you need it to pay bills and feed, clothe, and entertain your family. Therefore you don't have enough to spend it doing the things you've always wanted to do, so you need more. To get more money, you could 1) work more, 2) get a different job, or 3) spend less. Many, if not most, people will look at that list, assume that all three options are impossible, and give up immediately. Why? Because you think that working more will make you miserable, you think getting another job is a fruitless waste of time and effort, and you think spending less is impossible or will, again, make you miserable. We make assumptions like these all the time and don't even realize it!
So the key isn't in changing your circumstances, it's in changing how and what you think about those circumstances. The fact is that (going back to our example) you can work more, you can look for new employment opportunities, and you can spend less of the money you make.
I'm not trying to make the argument that this is an easy thing to do; it most certainly is not. All I'm saying is that it's possible.
I believe that so much of our "bad attitudes" come from the beliefs we have about how "stuck" we are in the life we're currently living. We're prone to sifting through the circumstances of our lives, weighing the available options for change, and immediately discarding them as too hard or not worth our time, and in that way we resign ourselves to being miserable forever. That, my friends, is a sure formula for living permanently in the future, always waiting to be happy "until (insert desired circumstance here) happens". But you don't have to live that way.
It takes real, minute by minute, conscious effort to be happy on a daily basis. For some people it's harder than others, and of course, no one will be happy all the time. But if you're willing to work for it, more consistent happiness is one hundred percent attainable for everyone. Here's how:
1. You have to become aware of your perceived obstacles. What (do you think) is standing in the way of who/what you want to be?
2. You have to become aware of how and what you think about those obstacles.
3. You have to make conscious, consistent, persistent effort to change the way you think.
Every single time you become aware of a negative thought, you have to immediately replace it with a positive one, regardless of whether you believe it or not. And over time you'll find that replacing "I can't" with "I can" and "it's impossible" with "it's possible" will become easier and easier until it's effortless. In fact, you'll find that the positive will become your default. You will, at that point, have actually restructured your brain.
People always say "Have a good attitude!" and I've come to realize that that has nothing to do with putting on a happy face for the world. It means putting on a happy face for yourself, over and over and over again. That fact is that your attitude won't change just because someone says it needs to. Nothing in life is ever that easy. You have to really want it, to really want to have a positive outlook on your life and be happier than you are now. You have to want it so much that you're willing to work for it, not just today, but for the next several thousand todays. It might take you a few weeks, or a month, or more than a year, but it will work.
You can change your attitude. You can be happier than you are right now. You are powerful.
People always say "Have a good attitude!" and it is quite possibly the single most annoying, infuriating phrase in the English language in my opinion.
Having a good attitude won't get my homework done and dinner made and the laundry folded and work and school over with. (In the back of my head I know that fuming over it won't get it done either.)
It won't make me feel better, I think. (It probably will.)
And it's so hard! (You're right, I think, we should probably just stay mad at the world for the next six days seven hours and forty two minutes.)
The attitude battle is one that I fight (and usually lose) pretty much every single day, and Jason is a saint for putting up with it. Then one day I was reading this book for school and it got me thinking about just how powerful our minds really are, and how maybe "have a good attitude" means a lot more than just thinking happy thoughts when you don't want to.
 |
| I discovered a knock-off photoshop tool. You can expect more pictures like this in the future. Many more. |
Neuroplasticity is essentially the idea that you don't have the brain you were born with. Our brains physically change as we gain new knowledge, establish new connections and thought patterns, recover from injury (physical or psychological), etc. And that means that you can hardwire your brain to be whatever you want it to be. You can decide to change, to be different than you are, but it takes work. Of course, it would be great if all it took to permanently change our attitudes was to reach into our brains and tweak something and voila, instant happiness, but unfortunately we call quick changes like that brain damage, and they don't usually have good results. The real process is a lot more complicated, and takes a lot more time, but in my opinion it's a hundred percent worth it.
| If you chance to meet a frown... can you really just smile it away? |
I'd argue that it's because of the way you think.
Now that probably got some backlash from some of you because of course there's other, real concrete obstacles in the way of us pursuing our dreams and becoming the people we want to be. Things like money, time, exhaustion, illness, work, school, family obligations, and so on and so forth. These things are real, and they are really in the way, but the only thing keeping them in the way is the way you think about them.
 |
| This is a concrete obstacle |
For example:
Having enough money to pursue your dreams is an issue because you need it to pay bills and feed, clothe, and entertain your family. Therefore you don't have enough to spend it doing the things you've always wanted to do, so you need more. To get more money, you could 1) work more, 2) get a different job, or 3) spend less. Many, if not most, people will look at that list, assume that all three options are impossible, and give up immediately. Why? Because you think that working more will make you miserable, you think getting another job is a fruitless waste of time and effort, and you think spending less is impossible or will, again, make you miserable. We make assumptions like these all the time and don't even realize it!
So the key isn't in changing your circumstances, it's in changing how and what you think about those circumstances. The fact is that (going back to our example) you can work more, you can look for new employment opportunities, and you can spend less of the money you make.
I'm not trying to make the argument that this is an easy thing to do; it most certainly is not. All I'm saying is that it's possible.
I believe that so much of our "bad attitudes" come from the beliefs we have about how "stuck" we are in the life we're currently living. We're prone to sifting through the circumstances of our lives, weighing the available options for change, and immediately discarding them as too hard or not worth our time, and in that way we resign ourselves to being miserable forever. That, my friends, is a sure formula for living permanently in the future, always waiting to be happy "until (insert desired circumstance here) happens". But you don't have to live that way.
 |
| No on understands being stuck like this silly old bear. |
It takes real, minute by minute, conscious effort to be happy on a daily basis. For some people it's harder than others, and of course, no one will be happy all the time. But if you're willing to work for it, more consistent happiness is one hundred percent attainable for everyone. Here's how:
1. You have to become aware of your perceived obstacles. What (do you think) is standing in the way of who/what you want to be?
2. You have to become aware of how and what you think about those obstacles.
3. You have to make conscious, consistent, persistent effort to change the way you think.
Every single time you become aware of a negative thought, you have to immediately replace it with a positive one, regardless of whether you believe it or not. And over time you'll find that replacing "I can't" with "I can" and "it's impossible" with "it's possible" will become easier and easier until it's effortless. In fact, you'll find that the positive will become your default. You will, at that point, have actually restructured your brain.
People always say "Have a good attitude!" and I've come to realize that that has nothing to do with putting on a happy face for the world. It means putting on a happy face for yourself, over and over and over again. That fact is that your attitude won't change just because someone says it needs to. Nothing in life is ever that easy. You have to really want it, to really want to have a positive outlook on your life and be happier than you are now. You have to want it so much that you're willing to work for it, not just today, but for the next several thousand todays. It might take you a few weeks, or a month, or more than a year, but it will work.
You can change your attitude. You can be happier than you are right now. You are powerful.
(Disclaimer: I am by no means an expert on this. Everything I've written is the product of my own thoughts based on what I've learned in psychology courses I've taken. I would love to talk to anyone and everyone who wants to discuss anything I've written further. I'm not an expert, but I do know people who are. :)
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