new year's resolution

Growing up always seemed like something that happened to other people but in my head it always felt like I would be a kid forever and my life would continue as it always had. Now suddenly I'm halfway through my senior year of high school and reality seems to have snuck up on me. It's been a bit of a crazy year trying to juggle college planning, three more AP classes, cross country, and my first actual job, not to mention trying to fit in time for friends and family as well. 

My biggest accomplishment of the school year so far has to be the cross country season, easily the best season out of the three I had. I ran my very first race as a sophomore in 29 minutes and 27 seconds. I capped off this season at Region with a time of 21:34, a full eight minutes faster than my first race. My ultimate goal was to run on the varsity team, but even though that didn't happen I couldn't be more pleased with how the season did turn out. The thing about running is that it's HARD and racing is really just extended amounts of self-inflicted suffering. This season my coaches really focused on training our minds as well as our bodies. They taught us to realize that pain, in and of itself is not a bad thing, and once you get over the fear of it you can handle anything. In a race, you have to believe in yourself 100%, trust the work that you've done and trust every word your coaches say, even when you're sure you're going to die. Because in the end, the race is over before you know it and whatever pain you felt is forgotten and all you remember is what you were willing to give and how you felt knowing you'd done all you could.

Honestly, the knowledge I gained from running this year is probably worth far more than anything I've learned in any class, except perhaps seminary. It's been hard to focus academically, which is strange because that's always the area I've excelled in the most. I never thought I'd be one to have senioritis but it seems I do. All the plans I've made for my life are starting to become real and I'm half excited and half terrified for the future. Most likely I'm headed to Utah Valley University (UVU) in the fall to study either psychology or special education. After that I plan to serve a mission and hopefully find a stud to marry and have a family after I return home. (Grandpa Sharm gave me a studfinder for Christmas so that shouldn't be too hard.)

In short, 2017 is about to become the biggest year of my life to date, the year I graduate and start the rest of my life. I'm excited for it, if not entirely prepared. It may not be easy --there's still this school year to finish, and as of today Dad is officially unemployed so who knows where my family will end up-- but I trust that even though it might be hard, pain, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. Suffering is okay, and fear is okay. What matters most is what I choose to do with that fear, whether I let it control me or whether I choose to give all I have to making this year the best I've ever had. Because in the end I won't remember how hard it was, only how hard I worked and how I felt when it's over, knowing I gave it all I had. I therefore resolve to be happy and press forward in faith, not fear, looking ahead, not behind. 

Oh, and before I forget... HAPPY NEW YEAR!